Photo by Tracy Fuentes
I recently had my prom a few weeks ago and I went with my friends. It honestly felt kind of mundane, because I’m not going to lie, yes, I did wonder what it would be like if I had gone with my ex. Obviously, I shot my own idea down because I think it would probably not be the best choice if that happened, which sparked my thinking about exes getting back together. When are the circumstances good to get back with your ex? When is it bad? Personally, I don’t think I would ever get back with an ex just because my mindset on it is very black and white. It’s either you guys stay together and stick it out or break up. That’s the end of it. Obviously, some people have different perspectives on it, so let me tell you what my peers said.
When are the circumstances good to get back together with an ex-significant other? When is it bad?
Aaron, 18
“I think it could be really positive to get back with a significant other if you both have changed for yourself. However, altering oneself solely for another person usually leads to reverting to old habits (whatever they may be). It could definitely be a good motivation to better yourself for someone but it’s crucial to distinguish between doing it for them and fundamentally changing your approach to life. This new version of yourself you work towards should become your norm before you want to rekindle a relationship.”
Aira, 18
“Never, because if you genuinely thought you guys belonged together and could work through it all, then you would’ve stayed together.”
Alize, 17
“A good time to get back with your ex-significant other is when they have finally realized their actions, and are willing to take a step to change to be better for the relationship. It’s usually bad because the other party might feel mixed emotions still and when it comes to arguments they might not know how to control their feelings which can lead to many conclusions. If you don’t give your significant other space and time it won’t be any better for the relationship moving on.”
Kayssie, 28
“In my opinion, it’s bad to get back with an ex-significant other when you haven’t had time to grow and think about why you became exes in the first place. Getting back together out of loneliness isn’t a good idea. Getting back together because they made promises to change isn’t a good idea either. It’s like that saying: “Actions speak louder than words.” If people get back together because of a promise, I would hope that they understand that they’re going to fight, and the trust isn’t going to be there at first and it’s going to take time to get that back. Do I think it’s ever a good idea to get back together with an ex? I’m not sure, but I know it has happened in some cases. I would hope that if anyone got back together with an ex they had a lot of time apart to grow as individuals and become different people. As time goes on, most of the time people change and learn to be a better person, but sometimes they don’t. It’s like getting back together but with a different person.”
Beauty, age unknown
“Good: When you reconcile with an ex-significant other, and you both are willing to recreate the relationship of what was, the first thing is you both have to be understanding of why the relationship didn’t work out to begin with. Whether it was your fault or theirs, there must be accountability and apologies that come with it. You both then have to figure out what you guys want out of this new relationship and figure out how it’s going to be better than last time and learn from your past mistakes. Once you see change and improvement in their character, then it’s a good sign to get back together once you’ve both grown from mistakes of the past.
Bad: Most times when people reconcile with an ex-significant other, it’s not at the right time because sometimes we force relationships due to the fact that we are selfish and cannot accept the truth of what is healthy and unhealthy for us. And sometimes relationships can be addictive.
The number one thing most people cannot accept is that the potential you see in others is just in your head and some people just aren’t willing to change for the better. If you are trying to reconcile with a past significant other and you notice that they are continuing their toxic behavior that may have ended the relationship in the first place, that’s a number one red flag, and ultimately a sign to run before it’s too late. If you know deep down that if you two continue with this toxic relationship and either you or that person isn’t willing to change and to hold themselves accountable for their mistakes and unhealthy habits, then you should not go back to that relationship.”
A common response I’m seeing to my question is that it’s bad when you change yourself for someone else instead of changing yourself to be a better person in general. This leads me to think that you almost have to act as if there is truly zero chance of a revival of your relationship to work on personal growth, otherwise, your self-improvement is at the hands of someone else. The universe really has to shove it in your face that this is not the time for RIGHT NOW but maybe later. The universe works in such mysterious ways. You really never know. Or maybe, you do know but are addicted to the cycle. Getting back together with someone comes with getting rid of animosity and resentment. It’s something that needs to be acknowledged and not pushed away. Getting back together opens up the lesson of learning how to trust somebody again upon many other lessons.
There’s a lot to consider here when getting back together with an old lover, but I think if you love them that much, go for it. There’s so much love you can share with others in this world, and especially love to share with yourself. There is no right or wrong answer to do this, except to do what feels right, take care of your heart, and love on!
Kindergarten 