What Do I Do?

Photo by Tracy Fuentes

By Madison Kleinrock-Andrews

“I’ve got a lot to live without. / I’m never gonna meet / what could’ve been, / would’ve been, / what should’ve been you.” 

—Taylor Swift, “Bigger Than the Whole Sky”

You were my first love

(I guess I’ll only be talking about you

in the past tense now),

I’ve never been through this before,

so tell me 

what do I do?

What do I do 

when the lead feeling in my chest

after I read your text

“We need to talk”

was simultaneously 

proof of how much I love you

and of how little difference that made?

What do I do

when I can’t be mad at you,

because you did everything right—

even told me in person

that our timing was off

and held me while I cried,

as powerless as I was

when I was a child

playing in the same park

where you asked to meet

for the last time?

What do I do

when an uncontrollable, unforeseeable thing

like timing 

stole the pens

right out of our hands

while we were in the middle

of writing our story?

What do I do

without you? 

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