Lust

Photo by Kleigh Balugo

By Gerard Go

It was blue, and it was bliss.

    Sometimes I dream a bit too big, works of art and works of fiction, to me they are real. Although they are depictions of an artist’s unstable mind, I like to believe that somewhere some when.. It exists. And so are dreams.. to me they’ve happened. I mean, we DID just experience it right? We truly believe it. Dreams are just random electrical brain im[pulses]. They don’t mean anything. And yet, life is meaningless. But it’s beautiful that way. If life had a meaning then it would be boring. They say [we]’ve got to live our life in the moment. Make every second count, but why do I sometimes feel more awake when I’m a[sleep]? I’ve had many dreams that frighten me. Even some that angered me. But also some that I [wish] to dream again. It is difficult to tell what exactly goes on in these dreams. Everything feels so blurry yet they make sense, so quiet yet audible. But what it made me feel, was so[me]thing else.. 

It was blue, and it was bliss. 

    I had a dream years back that I had traveled the stars to distant planets. Places so different and far. But I had a friend with me, Maybe a loved one, who knows.. All I know was I felt extreme happiness that I had someone by me wherever we went. It was an adventure of a lifetime. I felt so attached that upon waking up I was overcome with grief. It felt as though I had lost a piece of my heart. Like if someone so close to you disappeared and you didn’t even know it. I’ve never dreamt of it again. 

    I long for the stars. My time in the Philippines was too short, but many nights I would sit on the grass of our front lawn and look up. The stars ran wild, it was true beauty, a forbidden fruit. Moving to the US in this city of lights, the stars are darkened. The stars hold so many mysteries, sometimes there’s this feeling when you’re running forward while looking up it feels as though you’re falling right into space. I hope one day I can once again appreciate a night sky just as before. 

    This boy whom I’ve only had the chance to spend a short time with is what I long for the most. The way he stared so deeply in my eyes that it made me look away many times, the way he caught me off guard when he grabbed my hand as we walked through a silent park in the middle of the night. I was taken aback, but its him I miss the most. These memories I hold dearly. Because that’s all we are, memories. We all live on in each other through memories. Memories are forever. Always forgotten, always misplaced, but never gone.

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