And I’m Not Going to Die Alone

Photo by Aiden Nelson

By Aiden Nelson

and I’m going to eat bananas for breakfast and I’m going to make lavender syrup for my iced coffees and I’m going to smile and have it be real and I’m going to dance at 2am outside the empty cinema and I’m going to cry so hard I puke and I’m going to keep all the letters my dad sends me and hang them on my wall and I’m going to eat steak and potatoes and drink cheap wine with friends on a Saturday night and I’m going to kiss someone while my hands are covered in clay and I’m going to pet so many dogs and I’m going to have sex with a boy who reminds me to pee after so I don’t get a UTI and I’m going to hold someone’s hand on the ride back from the hospital while we listen to Big Thief and I’m going to rearrange my bedroom until it feels safe again and I’m going to make banana bread for someone who makes me feel tender and I’m going to dream and I’m going to have magnetic poetry on my fridge under a photo of me on my 7th birthday, which is next to a drawing of a sink in lingerie and I’m going to hurt and be honest and be joyful and I’m going to go to therapy and I’m going to masturbate at 2 in the afternoon and I’m going to run until my legs give out and I’m going to eat a second pudding cup just because I want a second pudding cup and I’m going to look someone in the eyes as they tell me I’m remarkable and I’m going to believe them and I’m going to say I love you and mean it and I’m going to grow and change and laugh until I cry and I’m going to have my forehead kissed every night and I’m not going to die alone