Photo by Hannah Loessberg
it happens so quick
the flash of the eye over my bare left shoulder
and a stroke of lipstick and I can have anyone I want, enchanted
this power is at my disposal
and it’s oh so secretive
you will never know unless I want you to know
you won’t smell me, jasmine, cashmerian wood, and white amber,
unless I want you to smell me
Timeless, radiant, beauty at my disposal
sounds like the male gaze talking but let me assure you that while I can see you may see it that way and have in every film ever
it’s not frail, thin, vapid, femininity
my movie passes the Bechtel test with flying colors
so if that’s not what you’re in for, look away
because honestly, do i look easy to you?
that when you can see that I know what i want and i like what i see, that’s easy?
dead wrong
Timeless beauty is complex.
It’s not trendy, it’s not in your face and in the moment
It transcends clothing and era
Status and practicability.
It’s attitude.
And I’m-
I’m as deep as a red wine stain, and thick as honey,
I’m fully and deeply a human being
with dreams, desires and passions that don’t involve you
but you can opt-in if you would like
and it’s probably now
that I’ve put my charm on you
you’re sitting there in the dark wondering
what does she taste like
that, you will have to find out yourself one day
if I want you to
but um
someone has opted in
and opted in for almost three years now
and this someone knows me insanely much because i wanted him to learn every curve of my ever-changing body
best sex I’ve ever had and sure that has to do with stroke, position, speed, but more so it has to do with the fact when you’re an actress in love with an actor
its a performance
as if we had an audience
as if we were having sex with ourselves
and believe me I wish i could
don’t you ever think about that?
because when I’m riding and catch a glimpse of my ass in the skinny target mirror by the door
I ride a little bit smarter with a consuming love for myself
my bangs, sweaty with effort
my vagina very pink and very tight every time
my hands in his hair
my voice making very purposeful noises
my incredible porn like tits bouncing as they should
i could only imagine what it must be like to have sex with me
and lucky him
but this self consuming love doesn’t last throughout the day and is in direct opposition of the hatred i feel while getting into the shower with the lights on
but
beauty is in the eye of the beholder
and he be-holds me and looks at me with his blue eyes, no metal-rimmed glasses in the way
his vision is hazy and mine, 20/20, and im being loved from the inside out inside out inside out inside out insi-oh wait hold on one second-de out
i love making love
quick fucks are never about women
but this is about me no
because i want it to be
there are no mistakes
and there are no fair warnings
if i want it, it’s already mine
and you will know because i will flash you my eyes and a smile maybe a giggle
it’s not desperate
it’s not an invitation because i didnt say yes
i said hm maybe
and that’s enough to leave you thinking about me before you sleep at night
Sweet dreams
Kindergarten 