Sex, Appetite, & Intimacy

Photo by Hannah Loessberg

By Hannah Loessberg

it happens so quick

the flash of the eye over my bare left shoulder 

and a stroke of lipstick and I can have anyone I want, enchanted 

this power is at my disposal 

and it’s oh so secretive 

you will never know unless I want you to know

you won’t smell me, jasmine, cashmerian wood, and white amber, 

unless I want you to smell me 

Timeless, radiant, beauty at my disposal 

sounds like the male gaze talking but let me assure you that while I can see you may see it that way and have in every film ever 

it’s not frail, thin, vapid, femininity 

my movie passes the Bechtel test with flying colors 

so if that’s not what you’re in for, look away

because honestly, do i look easy to you? 

that when you can see that I know what i want and i like what i see, that’s easy? 

dead wrong

Timeless beauty is complex.

It’s not trendy, it’s not in your face and in the moment

It transcends clothing and era

Status and practicability. 

It’s attitude. 

And I’m-

I’m as deep as a red wine stain, and thick as honey, 

I’m fully and deeply a human being 

with dreams, desires and passions that don’t involve you

but you can opt-in if you would like

and it’s probably now 

that I’ve put my charm on you

you’re sitting there in the dark wondering 

what does she taste like 

that, you will have to find out yourself one day

if I want you to

but um

someone has opted in 

and opted in for almost three years now

and this someone knows me insanely much because i wanted him to learn every curve of my ever-changing body 

best sex I’ve ever had and sure that has to do with stroke, position, speed, but more so it has to do with the fact when you’re an actress in love with an actor 

its a performance 

as if we had an audience 

as if we were having sex with ourselves 

and believe me I wish i could 

don’t you ever think about that?

because when I’m riding and catch a glimpse of my ass in the skinny target mirror by the door 

I ride a little bit smarter with a consuming love for myself 

my bangs, sweaty with effort

my vagina very pink and very tight every time 

my hands in his hair 

my voice making very purposeful noises

my incredible porn like tits bouncing as they should 

i could only imagine what it must be like to have sex with me

and lucky him

but this self consuming love doesn’t last throughout the day and is in direct opposition of the hatred i feel while getting into the shower with the lights on 

but

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

and he be-holds me and looks at me with his blue eyes, no metal-rimmed glasses in the way

his vision is hazy and mine, 20/20, and im being loved from the inside out inside out inside out inside out insi-oh wait hold on one second-de out

i love making love 

quick fucks are never about women 

but this is about me no

because i want it to be 

there are no mistakes 

and there are no fair warnings 

if i want it, it’s already mine 

and you will know because i will flash you my eyes and a smile maybe a giggle 

it’s not desperate 

it’s not an invitation because i didnt say yes

i said hm maybe 

and that’s enough to leave you thinking about me before you sleep at night 

Sweet dreams

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