Photo by Jacquelyn Rodriguez
“Para mi corazón”
Hola mi amor,
Ever since you left, I feel like my heart’s been miles and miles away.
Okay, fine. I’ll admit that sounds a bit dramatic, pero (y esto es un secreto, por favor no se lo cuentes a nadie) soy bien chillona.
I knew this was coming for many months. You mentioned how this would be a great opportunity for you. How it would help you get a job with decent, stable income. How it would help you go back to school without going into debt. How time would fly by and you’d be back before I knew it.
It was just something you had to do. We are technically adults now, and everyone has to do what’s best for themselves. I get that, and I’m glad that you’re doing something to secure a stable future for yourself. Besides, I can count the months you’ll be gone on both my hands, so I really shouldn’t be this dramatic… right?
I’ve tried my best not to sound eye-rollingly cliché around my friends, but I don’t think it’s working all that well. They know I miss you. They notice how droopy I get on the days that I miss you more than usual. They see how my eyes light up when you send me a surprise text or phone call. They hear me ramble on and on about how we’ll watch Christmas movies and go ice skating when you come back on leave.
The truth is that I miss you very, very, very, very much. I was surprised to learn that I don’t miss you the most when I’m all alone. I can handle those gloomy evenings where I lay in bed and stare at that one part of the ceiling, as one usually does when they’re rotting away in their room. The longing creeps in when I’m out and about. Socializing. Hanging out with friends. Going to kickbacks. It creeps in, I suppose, when I’m making new memories to tell you about.
Not exactly the best time to start feeling like a downer, right? I suppose the feeling is more bittersweet than anything else. I’m glad that I’m having fun and making the most of any social experience, but I do get a little upset that you’re not here to share the moment with me. Instead of trying my hardest to speed through these moments, I’ve decided to let these emotions run their course. I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel my feelings.
If I’m being honest, I was scared of missing you. I thought that missing you meant that I was clingy, or weak, or way too dependent on you. Now, I know that’s not the truth. It’s okay to miss someone you love. It’s okay to wish and wish and wish for that special someone to be here with you right now. If anything, missing you demuestra lo tanto que te amo. And loving you is something I’ll never be scared of.
Aquí te espero,