Photo by Kleigh Balugo
Illustrations by Kleigh Balugo
School is where we spend a good chunk of our lives. We make a great deal of memories spending eight hours a day in a building with a bunch of people our age, being asked to write, solve, socialize. For our theme of Recess, we wanted to look back on the memories each school year brings, but more specifically, the silly and embarrassing tales.
Each story is from an anonymous Kindergarten reader. Thank you for sharing your stories with us!
“One of my professors brought in their dog to class. While class was going on, the dog laid down behind my chair, and I turned around to pet it. I was petting it for quite a while before I looked down and realized that my shirt had shifted when I turned around and my whole boob was out. I was not wearing a bra. I have no idea how long it was out for, and I have no idea if anyone saw (my front was pressed against the back of the chair, so I think that helped to hide it a little bit).”
–Puppy Time Flasher
“In my intermediate school (4th-6th grade), there was a sink with a drinking fountain in the corner of each classroom. To my amusement, I discovered that the spout of the drinking fountain was able to be twisted. I immediately showed all my friends and we’d all take turns spinning the spout. A week or two later, a girl in the class went to the fountain to drink some water but only water wasn’t coming out. Beneath the sink was a cabinet where you can access the plumbing, which is where water was flooding out of. She opens the cabinet and it starts spraying her with high pressured water. Her friends try to rescue her and stop the water from spraying but it just gets all of them wet. Meanwhile, my teacher is in utter confusion and shock as she is calling the custodians. All this happens while my friends and I are watching it all unfold. Shortly after the girls were sent to get dry clothes, the teacher was trying to understand why this has happened. A few people point to me, knowing that I was the one that discovered the sink’s ability to spin. That was how I got my first lunch detention.”
-Drinking Fountain Diver
“There was this one time I opened my laptop in this gigantic lecture hall, it’s one of those classrooms where you can literally hear a pen drop. That’s when I made the biggest mistake I’d ever make as a freshman, I forgot to mute and pause my laptop before class. I was watching anime so I hear the loudest moan come out of a teenage Japanese girl as she’s impaled by a spear. Without context, man you could just assume I was watching some raunchy ass hentai.”
-HentaiLuvr00
“In 1st grade, my teacher would pick a different student to go outside and sharpen the pencils every morning. The sharpener was in the “pod” which was basically this computer lab in the center of 10 classrooms. For example, classrooms 50-59 would be located along the sides of this pod area, so we always had to pass through the pod to get to our room. My long awaited turn to sharpen the pencils finally came up and I was so excited. You know, as kids usually are whenever the teacher picks them to do a special task. My teacher handed me the cup of pencils with a smile and I was on my merry little way. I was only two steps out the door, about 10 ft away from the sharpener, when I realized I had to pee. I thought, there was no turning back now, though. Schools were always super strict about bathroom breaks, calling it a privilege and limiting our passes to once a day. I didn’t want to ask my teacher if I could use the bathroom before I sharpened the class pencils in case she would give the task to somebody else since we needed to start writing soon. So eventually, I ignored the feeling and walked over to the sharpener with confidence that I could hold it and go to the bathroom once I successfully returned to the classroom with the pencils. I was halfway through the cup when I realized I couldn’t hold it anymore. My brain buffered as I tried to decide if I should stop and go back into the room to ask to use the bathroom, or if I should just go real quick and come back. At the same time I feared that if my teacher heard that the electric sharpener wasn’t making the whirring noise anymore, she’d come outside and check why I stopped. In the midst of my fearful thinking, my bladder couldn’t take it anymore and just let go. I peed all over the floor of the pod. And it was a LOT of pee. Like so much. A pool of it. At the same time that I finished peeing, two 5th grade girls walked up to sit on the other side of the round table next to me, my pee out of view. I was like “Um-” but I was shaking so much that my words only came out as quiet as the squeak of a mouse. So I just shut my mouth, turned around, finished sharpening the pencils, and went back to class without telling anybody. To this day I can’t believe that not a single person noticed…”
-Pee Puddle
“I was about 11 years old, in my first year of high school (in the UK) and well, one might say I was a little lover boy. I was constantly trying to hit on girls older than me and although I was never successful I kept trying. Anyway, I got the closest I’d ever gotten to with this one girl (we’ll call her Fiona), a year older than me too and boy did I think she was the most attractive. Few weeks pass of us talking online and messaging through BBM, then eventually we get to school and this is where the story begins. During lunch break I’d always like to walk around with my friends, kick a ball around and just do what 11 year olds do. But, whilst walking out of the canteen I was stopped by Fiona’s friends who TOOK my bag and said I wouldn’t get it back unless I’d hug Fiona. Then came the most awkward, borderline hugging-your-strange-uncle sort of hug in the world, in front of a huge crowd too. She was fairly ‘popular’ so this didn’t help the attention at all. Surprisingly the conversation goes really well until it didn’t. The bell rings and lunch is over and right before we say goodbye I suddenly feel something wet on my head…Strangely enough it looks like yogurt, and I bring it close to my nose to smell it until someone screams “HAHAHA HE JUST GOT SHIT ON” and there it was. By a flying seagull my whole high school reputation had been demolished and I never spoke to this girl ever again!”
–Seagull Toilet
Kindergarten 